Fearless Leader
by evelinaonline
Summary: It's been almost a year since Splinter's passing, and the turtle brothers aren't taking it very well. When Leo suggests they visit him at the farmhouse, all he gets is negative responses - especially from Raph. [TMNT 2012 Verse]


**Requested by rhythmic-idealist on tumblr. This is set after season 5 of TMNT 2012. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"It's because you were Splinter's favourite, isn't it?"

Leonardo knew that being the leader amongst his brothers would be hard, but he never thought it'd set up such a barrier between them.

It came as no surprise to him that the first days of his leadership were a struggle; he and his brothers had to get used to another way of communicating and taking orders, and all that to save the world. It was up to them.

Up to Leo.

Eventually they did get used to it. The four of them learned to be in perfect sync. They could tell what the other meant by a single glance and nothing more. They could calculate each other's moves in less than a second and act based on them. They were a _team_.

It was starting to feel less and less like that.

Ever since Splinter passed away, the turtles were on edge. At first they were all hanging out in the same room, to make sure everyone was safe. As time went on, they started going back to their everyday lives, left alone, each to their thoughts. It was then that their father's death really started to sink in.

It was strange to hear Mikey scream his heart out and not be stopped by Splinter. It was strange to see Raph tackle his little brother to the ground with no consequences. It was strange to have no one comment on the explosions Donnie caused in his lab.

It was strange to be alone.

So when his brothers started treating him differently again, it almost hurt more than the loss of his father.

It was as if they couldn't tell the difference between their leader and their brother. Leo couldn't crack jokes during training without getting double looks anymore. He couldn't ask for them to quiet down without it sounding too harsh.

When Splinter was around, being in the lair meant that Leo could be himself as he joked around with his family. Now that Splinter was gone, he only felt like a burden.

And what a burden he was.

It had almost been a year since Splinter's death, and the turtles weren't taking it too well. Memories from last year were coming back to them, and the atmosphere of the lair didn't feel welcoming anymore. Casey, Raph and Mikey hanged out at the surface, Donnie and April were locked in Donnie's lab, and Leo couldn't help but wonder if it was his fault that-

Leo suggested they go visit Splinter at the farmhouse, where his body rested..

It would be a long and certainly not easy trip. Security had been upgraded ever since the invasion, and they had to find a way to get past border control. Even if they did manage to leave the city, getting back into it would be next to impossible.

There were psychological boundaries too.

The turtles had only gone to the farmhouse on two occasions, and neither was pleasant. As beautiful as it was outside the city, the road brought back too many memories.

Leo could only imagine the sorrow his brothers and friends carried when they drove his unconscious body out of town.

Months later, they visited it with their father, only that he didn't return home with them afterwards.

For a split second, Leo considered going back was a bad idea.

None of his brothers had reacted positively to his suggestion in the first place anyway; Donnie had stumbled on his words, and Mikey avoided answering altogether.

Raph's reaction pierced through Leo like a knife.

" _It's because you were Splinter's favourite, isn't it?"_

" _What does this have to do with-"_

" _So you admit it?!"_

" _No! Raph, I would never-_ He _would never-"_

" _Well, he's gone, okay?! He's gone… Maybe it's time you accepted it."_

Raph's words flooded his head again, and suddenly Leo became unable to think. His lack of direction turned into guilt.

Maybe Raph was right.

Maybe he was being selfish.

Leo covered his face with his hands, and his bed started to feel like a prison where he'd be trapped with his thoughts for the rest of his life.

The knock on his door almost made him burst into tears.

"Leo?"

Raphael.

The knocking continued, stopping after a louder thump on his door, which Leo assumed was his brother's entire body leaning against it.

"Leo, can I please come in?"

Leo wanted to tell him no. To push him away, like Raph had done to him countless of times in the past.

He didn't.

"Oh come on, Leo, say something before I die on your door waiting."

Leo sighed, sitting up on his bed. "It's open," he mumbled.

The leader in blue heard Raph say something like 'of course' under his breath, but he couldn't be sure.

The door opened to reveal his brother, who was trying way too hard to avoid Leo's gaze.

"Hey," Raph finally said, shutting it close behind him.

"Hey," Leo said back to him, but it came out sounding more like a mumble. Just how tired even was he?

Raph sighed, "Listen, Leo," he leaned against the door, "you know I'm not good at this apology thing, so… Eh."

Leo shook his head, "no need to apologise; you were right."

It took exactly one second for Raphael to take his gaze off the ground and lock eyes with Leo. "What."

"I said, you were right," Leo repeated. "I shouldn't have insisted on going back there. It's… It's too soon. I was being selfish."

Leo was waiting for Raph to pat his back and agree - maybe even laugh - and talk about how he's glad Leo finally understood.

He did none of these.

"Leo, bro, no." Raph took a step forward, slowly making his way across the room. "You were anything _but_ selfish. Annoying? Probably," he shrugged, "but selfish? Not this time."

The turtle in red sat next to Leo, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, I-"

"I'm tired, Raph," Leo finally admitted. "I'm tired of… Of everything. It's like nothing I do matters to you, and that everything is an excuse to blame me. Well you don't have to anymore; I get it, I'm an absolute idiot."

Leo was the one to avoid looking at him this time, and stared at his desk instead. There was no point in facing Raph's look of _pity_ , and having to-

"Leonardo, look at me, please."

The older turtle didn't know whether it was the use of his full name or the desperation in Raph's voice that made him turn around.

Raph's green eyes were glistening, and it was then that Leo considered the possibility that he might had been crying.

"I shouldn't have said what I did before. About Splinter, I mean," Raph said, his voice breaking a bit at the mention of their father. "I was wrong."

Leo took a deep breath, before opening his mouth to tell him-

"I'm sorry, Leo," Raph spoke up before him. "I really am."

Leo closed his mouth again. Now _he_ was at a loss of words.

"And I understand if you don't wanna talk about it right now, but I-"

Leo acted before he could think, and ended up with his brother held tightly between his arms. Maybe his grip had been too tight, but he didn't care. He wasn't going to lose his brother too, especially over some argument.

"I'm sorry too, bro."

He smiled slightly as he felt Raph wrap his arm around him, returning the hug. It looked a bit awkward, with Raph's other hand pressed against Leo's plastron, but the hug itself felt great.

It felt safe.

"We should go see him."

Leo pulled away at Raph's comment, "Raph, there's no need to push yourself-"

"I _wanna_ see him," Raph insisted. "The others do too. We talked a bit after you went to your room and… They agree."

"Are you sure?"

Raph nodded. "Karai is in too. Maybe April and Casey will join us, Kirby said it was okay-"

"Did you arrange _everything_ behind my back?"

"Dee's idea," Raph explained. "We can still cancel if-"

"Who are you and what did you do to my brother?"

Even though he rarely showed it, Raph had a soft side. Leo couldn't help but tear up a little at his words.

"Please don't cry, Fearless Leader," Raph said.

"Or I'll make you cry?"

"Or I'll walk out and tell Mikey to eat your leftovers."

A chuckle escaped from Leo, and Raph was quick to laugh along too. It was moments like these that Leo had starved for, and that he cherished the most.

"And… No putting yourself down, okay?" Raph snapped him out of his thoughts again. "Leave that to me!"

Leo shook his head, and Raph smirked, playifully patting Leo's plastron. He stuck his tongue out at him before standing up, headed towards the door.

As Raph wandered off, Leo found himself lost in his own world again. He thought back to when things were simple, and peaceful, where there were no enemies to fight, and where the only thing Leo had to worry about was whether he'd finish training in time for the next Space Heroes episode.

Maybe there was still time to work things out.

"You coming or what?" Raph asked, sticking his head back into the room.

Leonardo smiled, and followed his brother.

* * *

I wasn't going to do a note at the end... but I couldn't help myself!

This is the first TMNT fanfiction I've uploaded in _years_ , and it's definitely not gonna be the last! This was a bit rushed, as I have many requests for NaNoWriMo to finish, and I can guarantee that the rest of my works have more thought put into them.

Anyway, I hope you liked this!


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